happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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