i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
