once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You've changed since you got that strap on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
