Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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