I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
