In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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