3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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