weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening