I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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