Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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