I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
