...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
