lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
