Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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