Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
