I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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