"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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