I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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