I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
