New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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