well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
