He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
