i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
