my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
