it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
