So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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