Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
