and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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