DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
