and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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