I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
