the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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