I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
