My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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