Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
zippers are such a cool invention
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
