I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
