Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
