Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
