She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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