Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
