my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
