I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
