I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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