fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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