my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
