You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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