Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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