Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
