Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
