what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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