Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
