Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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