Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
