ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
