I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
