Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
