i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i now understand why vodka
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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