Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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