Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
