Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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