my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
