if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
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Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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