I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
