im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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