and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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