I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
