and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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