Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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