u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
