Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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