I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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