dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
cat food counts as protein by the way
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
