I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
