you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
