is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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