i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
