My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
