I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
