I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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