Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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